Sandy's been saying that for years, and I always felt it was rather egotistical of him. But it turns out I misjudged Sandy. Now, finally, I realize that he isn't saying, "I manage better than everyone else." He is saying, "I do not manage as well as a lack of management."

He made his point clearly this week by swapping three of his eight starters with his bench. None of the three new starters scored more than the player he replaced. The net effect of Sandy's "management" this week was -8 points.

He also lost to a team that made no changes in starting lineup despite an injured wide receiver.

I get it now. Apologies to Sandy for thinking of him as proud and snide. Now I can see that he is truly a man of great humiliaity. I mean, humility.

Sandy is dead last at the close of Week 2.

Second Story: Weak too!

Average score in the DFL in Week 1: 61
Average score in the DFL in Week 2: 56
(Low DFL score in Week 2: 31, by Sandy "The Genius" <snicker> Taylor.
Low DFL score this season: 31, by Sandy "The Genius" <snicker> Taylor.)

Last week, there were three teams above 80 and one in triple figures. This week, no one broke 80.

In fact, there were three teams that scored lower than JaJets JaRule, and Mr. Uz performed his draft by throwing darts. Blunt darts. At a foosball table.

If the bench won't come to Muhammad...

I'm benching Muhsin Muhammad. Why did I even start him? Well, Steve Smith is out*. The Chiefs secondary is hurting. He scored last week and was expected to be Delhomme's top target.

But, dammit, I have Reggie Wayne, on a healthy, high scoring offense that doesn't give defenses the option of double teaming him.

...then Muhammad must go to the bench.

<minutes pass>

I'm sorry, baby! I didn't mean it! You know how I get when I'm angry. I ... I just remember how you were when I first met you, when you were with the Hairy Centipedes. I remember you had that break out year with him. And, now, you're with me, and I think of those times, and I see Reggie Wayne on my bench, and it just makes me crazy. It makes me so crazy! Please forgive me! You know I love you, Mumu! You just make me so crazy, baby!

* Actually, Steve Smith played this week, for the Steel Warriors.

Time-traveling Fantasy Fantasy Matchup We'll get to see:

The Genius vs JaJets JaRule. Week 5.

Ass Spanking Of The Week:

Steel Warriors: 76
The Genius: 31

High score of the week versus low score of the week, for the second week in a row.

A blatantly ignored injury at wide receiver versus a carefully pondered switch from Jake Plummer to Trent Green.

An allegedly clueless younger brother versus a fantasy league organizing "Genius" elder brother.

The smaker-down vs the long distance taunter.

It still gives me a bit of a thrill to write about C.J. or Andrew beating Sandy, even though it has become so commonplace that it is difficult for me to believe I once considered it special. These days, C.J. is like, "Steve Smith is out? Hm. I'm playing Sandy this week. The rest of my line up should do it. Besides, he's my brother. I should at least let it look close."

Is this horse dead yet? I sure like beating it.

Oh, wait. I want to harp on this again. Sandy called C.J. to taunt him about his ignored injury.

"Dude, you still have Steve Smith in your line-up! He's injured! What are you doing?! I am SO going to post low score of the year against your punk ass! Get some!"

I love that. It kills me.

Quote of the Week:

From fanball.com on September 20th:
"If for some horrible reason you need to use a Chargers wideout, Caldwell would be your guy."

From the DFL home page:

Date	Player	Type	From	To
Sep 20 10:55am	R. Caldwell (SD - WR)	Add	Free Agents	JaJets JaRule

Second quote of the Week:

Anything that Sandy said to C.J. in that phone call.

Third quote of the Week:

"I sure like beating it."

Unlucky Sons Of A - Of The Week:

Stop Your Begging and New Potatoes

Last week, SYB suffered a low scoring, nine-point loss, with one of his starting backs denied chances to score and the other playing dead against a team he literally trampled under foot in 2003.

This week, Stop Your Begging was the highest scoring of the losing teams, again losing by nine points to a team that banked 14 points by a mysteriously drafted backup running back.

18 points is the lowest combined margin of loss by any of the five 0-2 teams. Hell, Sandy lost by two and half times that margin this week alone.

New Potatoes was the highest scoring of the losing teams in Week 1. This week, the Spuds lost by only five points. The Spuds started Tyrone Wheatley, having mistakenly drafted the starting running back for Carolina. Carolina played against a seive of a defense this week, but rather than helping the New Potatoes, it hurt Stop Your Begging.

Okay, okay. Trent Green and Deuce McAllister both scoring negative was pretty unlucky, too. Probably not 45 points unlucky, but definitely 'Not Bottom Of The League' unlucky.

Ambulance Chaser Of The Week:

Rick Kim.

The Spuds picked up Aaron Stecker before going to bed on Sunday.

Dammit. DAMN IT! I need to be chasing ambulances on Sunday nights, not grumbling about how annoying Joe Theisman is and wishing it were still Saturday!

Thunderfleas lose

It's going to be a long season. I got TWO miracle touchdown passes from my quarterback to my tight end, and I still lost. I need to be getting some wins before Onterrio Smith turns into a pumpkin and I have to start a sportscaster in the WR/RB slot.

With Minnesota going into its bye week in Week 4, I really have to be chasing ambulances next week. Like, WiFi enabled laptop in my lap, surfing all the games, players put in the queue during the injury time out, phoning the team doctor kind of ambulance chasing.

Effing two picks in a row.

I can't ambulance chase on Sunday afternoon

I'll be at Fenway for the third game of the Sox-Yankees series. Woe is me.

Awwwwwwwww yeeaaahhhh.

Time Traveling Ambulance Chaser Of The Week:

WTF is up with Public Enemy #2? Picking up Marcus Pollard hours before Dallas Clark gets injured? Picking up DeShaun Foster with a draft pick?

He also managed to dump a slightly injured Fred Taylor on JaJets JaRule to get Brian Westbrook by incenting with Jeff Garcia. JaJets JaRule subsequently dumped Garcia.

AND he dumped Muhsin Muhammad on me for a whole new draft two years later!