Well, well, well. Look who's back in the Top Story. (Of course, there has to BE a top story published for anyone to be in it.)

Oh (and eight) Sandy!

Lambeau Field, January 4, 2004, Matt Hasselbeck:
"We'll take the ball, and we're gonna score!"

We'll, he was close. He should have said, "We'll take the ball, and I'm going to throw a touchdown pass." At least that would have been accurate by the letter of the statement if not the spirit.

DFL Message boards, October 30, 2004, Sandy Taylor:
"The Yuss predicts a win this week against the yellow fruits. Big games from Johnson, Green and recent pickup Anquan Boldin will key the win."

We'll, he was close. He should have said, ""The Yuss predicts big games from Johnson, Green, and recent pickup Anquan Boldin."

Wait a minute. Sandy has very little to gain by predicting a win over Andrew and winning. However, he risks yet more embarrassment by predicting a win over Andrew and losing. He shouldn't have said anything.

I mean, c'mon. This is the man who lost to Trump United. How much glory can he hope for by pointing the bat over the fence? It's not like he's DAVID ORTIZ! YEAH, BABY!

This isn't like Cool Hand Luke, where one gains respect for Paul Newman, getting back on his feet again and again while taking a beating from George Kennedy. It's like the scene in Swingers where the guy is leaving messages on the girl's phone. I kind of think that I can't watch, and I put my hands over my face, but really I'm peeking through my fingers at the self-inflicted tragedy and grooving on my schadenfreude.

I can't help but think to myself, "There but for the grace of G*d goes C.J."

Okay, okay. The Yuss had a "good week". He scored his highest of the year. But The Bananas were the highest scoring team this week, "screwing" Sandy. Still, look at Andrew's receivers and running back. As long as Vick doesn't post a crazy negative, Andrew has a strong team. That's a risky prediction Sandy made. Sandy should have made that prediction against Trump. Well, maybe not.

Second Story: Trump Improves Team But Struggles With Wins, Roster Management

In some ways, Donald Trump has managed his team to an impressive turnaround. However, the wins are still rare, and some question the Donald's lack of patience when it comes to management.

After posting a win in his first week as owner (against league founder, comissioner, and doormat, Sandy Taylor), Trump has gone three weeks without posting a second win. The scoring numbers speak for themselves. However, as Hairy Centipedes proved by posting a win with a score of only 41 points to keep The Genius winless, score only matters as a tiebreaker. Wins count in this league, and The Donald needs a few more.

Like Cortez burning his ships, Trump has indicated to his players that there is no going back. Don't pull your weight on Sunday, and you could be gone before someone gets stuck on the Horse Trailer. This leadership of fear seems to be having some positive effect, but the waiving of some players has fellow DFL owners scratching their heads (and snapping up some cast offs).

Jason Witten, fired by Trump on 10/22, has scored 11 points and 10 points the past two weeks. He's a tight end in an offense that features tight ends, and he is tied for the fifth most productive fantasy tight end this season. Witten was subsequently picked up by the Hated Centipedes.

The Detroit defense, tied for third most productive defense this season, was waived this week after scoring 14 points and 12 points the past two weeks. Granted Trump has the best defense in the league on his roster, but a defense the caliber of Detroit is worth some shopping around, perhaps for a better kicker or another option at wide receiver. Instead, Trump sifts among the flotsam of free agency, and the lowly The Jean Yuss grabs a great sub for the bye-week Atlanta defense.

Trumps seems to be applying recent lessons from his success on reality TV rather than some older business savvy that made him the mogul he is. Instead of letting his investment in Witten mature and trading value for value with the Detroit defense, Trump seems drunk on the phrase "You're fired!"

JaJets JaRule over four games
Record: 0-4
Average Score: 37
Highest Score: 46

Trump United over four games
Record: 1-3
Average Score: 52
Lowest Score: 47

Third Story: A Mid-season Report On Inter-Taylor Play

Taylor	Wins	Losses
C.J.	1	0
Andrew	1	0
Sandy	0	2

Seige and Andrew play in Week 10 to complete inter-Taylor play for the year.

Ass Spanking Of The Week: Predict My Foot Up Yo' Yuss

Andrew scraped together his best score of the year to best his older brother who also posted his best score of the year. Sandy desperately needed a win, predicted a win in public, finally got a monster game from Trent Green, and got totally stiff-armed by Andrew.

Not to detract from the heartbreak and shame Sandy must be feeling, but there were three other teams who would have beaten him this week. Also, Andrew has scored enough to beat Sandy's best three times this season, including this week.

Still to leave it all on the field to crack the goose egg and have nothing to show for it, that's a spankin'.

There is an honorable mention Ass Spanking this week. Teddy, back from hiatus, actively managed his team into Week 8, changing starting quarterbacks. However, Corey Dillon, starting in HeavyT's WR/RB slot, was injured mid-week during practice.

HeavyT lost by three points against Stop Your Begging who scored only 46.

Two players on Teddy's roster could have delivered Teddy his second win had he known that Dillon wasn't going to play. But Teddy, like, I suspect, everyone else in the DFL, found out about Dillon's injury at 4pm. Without Dillon, both the Patriots and HeavyT booked losses.

SYB stays nicely ahead of .500, and HeavyT languishes in the cellar with The Donald and The Jean Yuss.

Ambulance Chaser of the week: Catch the A Train

Honest to goodness, no class, utterly shameless ambulance chasing finally made an appearance in the DFL this year.

On Sunday night, Thunderfleas picked up Anthony Thomas before Thomas Jones ankle began to swell. Thunderfleas owner Daniel Wakabayashi arrived home at 10:30pm EST (yes, S), turned on the TV to ESPN Sunday Night Football, sat down, saw that Anthony Thomas was in the game, got up, turned on the computer, and picked up Thomas from free-agency.

Representatives of the Thunderfleas followed Thomas Jones and the Bears doctor into the examining room last Sunday night, then radioed out to the recruiter on the sidelines and signed Bears backup running back and 2003 1,000 yard rusher Anthony Thomas to a fat three game contract.

Anthony Thomas had previously been waived by Thunderfleas on September 10.

Quote Of The Week

Sandy Taylor, October 30, 2004:
"... 'Pedes, the most hated team in the league."

Remember folks, you heard it here second!

Shameless Opus Padding

Having missed a week entirely, editors at the Opus have been rooting around for a fluff piece to fatten the Week 8 edition. They have come up with this, which may be of some interest to members of the league. (And is likely of no interest at all to others.)

Inspired by The Quiz in fellow periodical, Cosmopolitan, the Opus presents a reader quiz.

"Are you a Nerdgamer?"

On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate when it comes to interest in nerdy (non-computer) games?

Social Games:
1/10: "I don't want to play a game where I have to move to a different chair. Somebody just read Trivial Pursuit cards."
2/10: "Scattergories and Outburst are good. If you have the right crowd, 25 Words Or Less. But still, nothing beats Taboo."
3/10: "Do you play Scrabble? I have a hard time finding players."

Board games:
4/10: "I really liked Settlers after a friend introduced me. Recently, I've been playing a lot of Puerto Rico. I'm still always up for parlor games."
5/10: "Dude, the winners of the Ice House contests are great, but there is a reason Friese and Knizia are known by name. Let me know the next time you're ordering from Boulder."

Games Workshop Type Miniatures or Military Simulations:
6/10: "I do some minis, but only skirmishes. Check out how small my tape measure is. It fits in most of the buildings." OR "Yeah, ASL can be a bear, but it's worth it. It took me forever before I remembered to check for rubble after scoring a critical hit on a building."
7/10: "With the Bloodbowl season ending, I'll be playing more Warhammer 40K." OR "Well, it may not seem fair, but Confederate cavalry could fire from horseback, and the Union couldn't. My rules set is historically accurate. And no, elevation doesn't matter here."

Role-playing:
8/10: "I play Dungeons and Dragons (3.5 edition, duh!). I play an Elven princess who ran away to wizard school."
9/10: "It's not like D&D is the only RPG out there. You can role-play wild west, superheroes, spies, or whatever. I'm doing Call of Cthulhu on Tuesdays."
10/10: "The last time I went to Carnage, I ran a political intrigue campaign set in the Roman senate. I made up the system using GURPS. I wore a toga."

Matchup Of The Upcoming Week: Sunday Brunch At The B&B

The Small Beverages face the Hot Bananas in a marquee matchup in Week 9.

The Beverages are tops in the league, tied for the best record and holding the points lead. The Bananas are tied for the second best record and holding the points lead against the teams with the same record.

Number 1 and Number 3 face off in a game with some early playoff implications. With the three other 5-3 teams all facing three of the four worst teams in the league, a loss this week could put Andrew as low as sixth. A win by Andrew could hand The Fleas their first number one ranking in several seasons, depending on how badly Seattle beats up on San Francisco.

There are six games left in the regular DFL season, nine teams at .500 or better, and four spots in the top playoff bracket. All but three teams are still in the running for league champion. Now is the time for the DFL teams to shoulder there way into the top four spots.

The three teams way behind in the standings have some weapons on their rosters and can easily spoil the hopes of an aspiring playoff contender.

The playoff race is upon us!