This week, the Dead Centipedes bested The Genius 80-79.

The Genius has 352 points, the third highest in the league. Combined with his 1-4 record, the Genius has the third lowest ranking. The Genius is ranked below New Potatoes with league low of 231 points.

Don't worry too much, Sandy, points will matter. Thunderfleas is in bottom half of league with a winning record due to a low point total. Any wins by Sandy will give him big leaps in the standings as he will have the highest point total of anybody with a tying record.

I do not expect that to cause Sandy to whine any less like a five-year-old leaving the petting zoo. In fact, I expect it to increase his whining.

Teen Angst

Trump Smack Talk after week 1: "Could it be? Has Trump won his first game of the year? In week 1 no less?"

(Note: presence of new smack talk is a good indication of having logged in.)

This week, Trump scored only 18 points, the lowest score in DFL history. Five of his nine starting spots were filled by players with byes.

(Note: presence of multiple starters with bye weeks is a good indication of having not logged in.)

With housemate Ricky Williams back at practice this week and starting for the Miami Dolphins in Week 6, former DFL owner John Mruz is expected to have more time on his hands. Combined with Donald Trump's complete ignoring of his team over the past two weeks, fans of the New Jersey based Trump Overexposed are grumbling for a change in leadership.

Perhaps it's time for Trump to look in the mirror and say, "You're Fired!

When asked whether he would consider a return to the DFL as a manager, Mruz replied, "Um ... what? Did you ask me a question? Hey, do you have a lighter I could borrow?"

Parity

The Small Beverages posted a win this week, the last team to do so. No team is winless, and no team is undefeated.

Discounting Trump Undermanaged with 5 players with byes, this week saw a top to bottom point spread in the DFL of only 35 points, 45 to 80.

The Matchup Fates have been fickle this year, creating an odd lack of correlation between overall points and win-loss record.

The data mining team at The Opus, looking back at data since the switch to Yahoo and the change to weekly matchups, has determined that the R² value of points and record of .48 in Week 5 of 2005 is the lowest at any point in league history. (This is not as crazy an outlier as, say, scoring 18 points, but it is still remarkable.)

With the possibility of injuries, players losing starting jobs, ambulance chasing, and unmanaged streaks, it's still anybody's season to grab one of the coveted top four playoff seeds. Well, anybody's but Rick's, I'd say.

* = Recent Smack Whine

It's a good thing that Yahoo added the Smack Talk feature! How else would DFLers vent their vitriolic competitiveness, a fire that would otherwise remain bottled up? Maybe by locking themselves in the bathroom and quietly crying while a significant other asks from outside, "Honey, are you alright?"

The smack talk has been really flying of late, containing phrases barely capable of expressing the true animosity held by DFL rivals, phrases such as:

"I'm so screwed,"
"We still got a shot," and
"Elfquest forum"

Sandy, where is that fantasy football phenom we all knew and hated? You're driving us toward indifference.

Sadly, things have gotten to the point where "I'm so screwed" is now being used by multiple smack talkers. (Both The Genius and The Hombres have lashed out with this intimidating smack.)

(Note: presence of new smack talk is a good indication of having logged in and been discouraged for some reason.)

Only one team stands out as having the balls to lay some smack on the line, league favorite Thunderfleas, a team that fans can really get behind. This week, Thunderfleas indicated that they "rule" and would "demolish" the competition that "sucks," finishing with the phrase, "Taste my cleats!"