Week 8 marks the start of the second half of the regular season in the DFL (two games shorter than the NFL season). The playoff race is just on the horizon, and every team is jockeying for position one way or another.

Dead Centipedes at Crimson Crushers:

The top two teams are head-to-head this week. With Crimson Crushers holding a points edge over the 'Pedes, whoever wins is guaranteed to be ranked number one overall next Tuesday.

Trader Wu or Harvard Matt? Boy, this is a tough one to know whom to root against. Let's just hope for a miserably low scoring affair.

Trump Overexposed at New Potatoes:

The bottom two teams are also head-to-head this week. Another poor showing by the Tubers, and Trump will be showing off a borderline respectable record and a trend in the right direction.

The Taters are sporting some big question marks at running back. If Corey Dillon plays against the Bills and Marion Barber gets the bulk of the carries against Arizona, the Potatoes could have one of their biggest weeks of the season. Quarterback Chris Simms is also a question mark, compounded by a week of practice shortened by Hurricane Wilma.

The loser of this game will be the bottom ranked team in the league.

PRAETORIANS at Stop Your Begging:

Both teams are still vying to be counted among the top in the league. A win by PRAETORIANS could put them in a three way tie for best record if the 'Pedes lose. A win by SYB puts Doug in the top four and Mike out of the top four, at least for the moment.

Throw in some face to face bragging rights at Dalton into the mix of playoff implications, and this is a game that counts big. (Sandy doesn't get to brag at Dalton. Just whine.)

The Small Beverages at The Genius:

The Genius has some pride on the line after crying about points versus record for the last month. It's not clear whether there is still a chance for Sandy to make the top four, but I'm sure he wants out of the bottom four. With almost the same percentage of DFL teams making the playoffs as in the NHL, no one wants to watch from home!

The once 0-4 Small Beverages are riding a three game win streak. A win this weekend puts them miraculously back at .500, but losing Ahman Green for the season definitely puts the pressure on the rest of the roster to perform.

The Hombres at Thunderfleas

Both these teams started off with winning records, The Hombres 3-1 at one point. Both have fallen below .500, Thunderfleas losing two in a row and The Hombres three.

Neither of these teams wants to be watching during the playoffs. With one team destined to pull back to .500 and the other likely never to see .500 again, the stakes are big. Add in the fact that the two owners are working on a project together so that bragging rights are key, and this is a game that at least two owners in the DFL will be watching with baited breath, breath baited with nachos, buffalo wings, and a variety of dipped-into-early Halloween candy.

Papaya Kings at Steel Warriors

Week 8 and the last installment of intra-Taylor play is already upon us! CJ has been dominating the series in recent history and may again sweep this year. However, last week, Sandy finally put an end to his recent losing streak against the boys he used to nipple-twist at will. A win by Papsmeara Kings puts a rock-scissors-paper twist on the year. (Sandy, how about points as the tiebreaker? Oh. You'd lose.)

But with Big Ben Roethlisberger back in action and Clinton Portis finally getting into the zone (literally), the Warriors could be a bit too much for the Kings to handle. We have yet to see how the Dilfer-loving, contract-extended manager of the Papaya Kings will line up this week against Middle Bro. Should be interesting.

I'm sure a win by CJ would make him all the more bearable through the upcoming holidays, as he is not one to gloat.

The Opus encourages all of its readers to vote on who will win this weeks matchups.

Analysis Schmanalysis

The Opus would like to give props this week to the other humor writers in the DFL. Some truly amusing crap was posted in the forums this week.

Really, whining and summary statistics have never been combined with such art to say, "I should be ranked #1."

If by any chance you have not seen Sandy's "to show who's the luckiest--not the best" posts and CJ's "sqrt" post, they really are worth your time, especially if your time has such little value that you read the Opus. (Or write it.)

Back in the Smallworld days of the DFL, these two were whining about how Kurt Warner being snatched dirt cheap after Trent Green's injury and having a career year off the bench totally skewed a system where total points was all that counted and players were re-priced after each week.

I have an analysis to offer you guys. Let's use win-loss record as the primary ranking and total points as the tie breaker. This yields a ranking of:

1. Dead Centipedes
2. Crimson Crushers
3. PRAETORIANS
4. SteelWarriors
5. Stop Your Begging
6. The Hombres
7. Papaya Kings
8. The Small Beverages
9. Thunderfleas (one above The Genius)
10. The Genius (low, low, low)
11. Trump Overexposed
12. New Doormats

Doug and Mike, take Sandy behind the gym and teach him to stand up like a man!

Rick, you're off the hook for "Sqrt" CJ. He's hopeless. Sqrt(points against). You have got to be kidding me.

Trump Wins Again; Thunderfleas Dropping Like Stone

Just two short weeks after posting an all time DFL low of 18 points and precipitating a management controversy, The Donald has posted a second win.

This is new ground for the franchise that began just 14 months ago as JaJets JaRule.

When asked about how it feels to lose to Trump Overexposed, Thunderfleas owner, Daniel Wakabayashi, said, "Hey. I decided this year to stay true to my real-life team loyalties. That, and I went to a baseball game on draft night." When confronted as to whether auto-drafting was really an excuse for his team's performance, especially considering that Stephen Davis was a free agent for days afterward, Wakabayashi shouted, "A baseball game!" and slammed the door to his office, putting an end to the interview.

With Trump facing the lowly New Potatoes this upcoming week, could he be ready for back-to-back victories?

Effing Pedes

Won again this week, by two points. Four more teams have scored more points so far this season, but the Pedophiles sit alone with the best record at the top of the league.

The staff at the Opus would like to draw the league's attention and point a big, blaming finger at Daniel Wakabayashi who broke the implied trade embargo against Trader Wu and traded away Torry Holt for Julius Jones. Holt has 54 points on the fantasy season, Jones only 36. Gawdammit.

First Annual DFL Losers Conference

October 26, 2005, Cambridge, Massachusetts.

New Potatoes owner/manager, Richard Kim, and Thunderfleas web interface user, Daniel Wakabayashi, are attending a summit on "Breaking The Habit Of Losing", hosted by Harvard Extension Business School.

Topics will include "Draft Secrets: Why Draft Is Usually Better Than Bottles" and "Bye Weeks: How To Behave When Traveling Without One's Significant Other."

When asked about his lack of attendance, The Small Beverages owner, Bob Kupbens said, "While on the 12th green, Donald and I were talking about our lack of invitation. Apparently, if you beat Daniel's team, you're not expected to attend. Then Donald said, 'Break the habit of losing?! Just play the Thunderfleas and New Potatoes!' Then we laughed and high-fived. Then Donald missed a 20 inch putt, so he had to give me majority ownership of the Taj Mahal."

Sandy Taylor was also contacted about his lack of attendance, to which he replied, "F*CK OFF! I'm just f*cking unlucky! Everyone can see that! Just look at my total score! I don't need that f*cking seminar! I mean, really, just look at my total f*cking points!" Police were called to the scene, where they brought in a bull's eye trampoline thingy while a negotiator tried to talk Taylor down off the ledge.